Why?? Haiz..Dont know how to start...
Sometimes I wondering am I gay..Or am I bi?? Or I'm straight??
I dont know!!
Sometimes I think I'm jealous all those leng zai.. Cause they leng zai wat.. Everyone like them.. In secondary school..The leng zai can wins many people's heart..
And I'm just a stupid and fat guy who always pass by canteen or classroom quietly..
When rest..I dont go canteen eat.. Cause I'm scare the canteen so many people..[I remember the first few weeks I go canteen eat...People say..Wah Ur size so big ady..still eat so many ar..] Later on..I feel scare to go canteen..U can never see me appear in canteen when rest..
If got tuition..Then canteen only left 2 class of student..That time only I will go eat..
When school end..I fast fast run to the gate as fast as possible.. Or else it gets hard for me to get into the bus..When go back home..I also dont have much thing to do..Friends can not come to my house..Parents not like.. Will scold me also...Go friends house?? Dont ever think about it.. Go out play balls?? I will say I dont know play to friends..But somehow..They ask me once in a very long time only..So I do really hope can join de..But parents dont give me go..!!
Cocurricular or Pendidikan Jasmani..Normally I dont go play those basketball or football...Cause I dont know play..And no one will wan a loser in their team gua..And I fat wat..How to jump?? How to move fast?? So normally I just sit quietly beside the field...Means..I'm not sportless people..It just because there is no place for me...When comes to change cloth part...It is super embarrassing..So many fats..Normally guy just change in class room..They good lo..Got muscle or bla bla bla..But I have to quietly walk to toilet to change..Sometime they ask why u dont change cloth here..[You think why ler??] So when up KL..Once I know got gym around here..Then I fast go ask the price or bla bla things ady..
Sometimes I think the fat problem really change my personality and thought a lot..Even now lose weight liao..My mind is still like old time.. Somehow..I think I may be is a gay because of all this things.[There's still many other things..Cant remember..]
So actually I lose weight because I really scare I become gay...Cause when I'm fat..I'm so jealous all those thin de guy or even lengzai..Why I cant be like them..May be this kind of mind is making me bit gay..Cause spot more on guys than girls.. So I go lose weight...Somehow..The result didnt change much..
Last time I spot those thin and lengzai.. Now I thin ler..Then I wont spot those thin guy anymore..I only spot lengzai...
So now i Jealous all those lengzai..I really hope I still can change..Change into a lengzai..[U can say me dreaming..but at least let me dream bit bit la]Then may be I wont spot lengzai any more... Haha [Stupid Is it??].. I find out it's very hard for a gay to admit that he is gay...So I think Willy or Kevin them are so brave... As for me...I really no idea...
May be drink some alcohol just now..Brave enough for me to talk this kind of things out..But you wan see or not is ur problem...I wont force you to read my blog..My blog is for those people that care about me...And those people that want to know more about me...
I was chatting with Sim Yee just now..I chat some bla bla bla things with her...Because I'm hearing sad song that time..So I talk something about my past..Haiz..So I become moody and sad... Just for me release out all this sad and anger..So I write out all my anger and sad thing..[PS:Some part of my anger..]
Thanks to Stabilo..Flawed Design[Thanks Kevin..Cause I know this song when logging into ur blog..]...I keep repeat this song for like almost 10 times for me to finish this blog..
END....
5 comments:
these are only some of the reason for what you are today... gay or straight, that doesn't really matter as long you are happy...
i think you lack of confident... nobody can help you in gaining your confident... wish you good luck in your future venture, be it straight or gay...
You know, I'm just gonna say: We're never ever gonna be satisfied with what we have.
Just like if I tell you, you look good right now, you wouldn't believe me! Even though i mean it. My friends tell me i'm good looking too, but I would think, they are my friends, that's why they tell me so. But regardless, you and I have a lot in common when it comes to that thinking style, but I do not think because of this, it made you gay!
If you're interested in guy, it's a totally different story. It could be your upbringing, or it could be genetic as well. Regardless... SMILE! Just remember that, no matter what!
Ya..Agree.. We never be satisfied with what we have..
believe it or not, i went through the exact same stage as u did... the exact same mentality and thoughts... most probably the days when we were fat made us believe that no girls would want us and we would just be gays... and the thoughts still stay till today... anyway, just do not force it... let it comes naturally and concentrate on stuffs which needs your concern right it... it helps pulling those thoughts off your head most of the time...
haha guess we have plenty in common huh?
PS: willy its binn here~ >.<
Haha...Thanks Tempus...
BTW: What do u mean by >> its binn here??
Is it ur name??
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